The root of suffering, according to so many spiritual traditions, including yoga, is seeking fulfillment from outside sources. We know this, yet we still do it all the time. “You’re late again!” we fume at our partners, while sitting at a restaurant with friends. “I hate it when you disrespect my time like that!”

But hold on there, yogis. You were at a nice restaurant with friends. Why not want your partner to get there when its organically right for them, and in the meantime, isn’t there wonderful conversation to be had with your tablemates, precious time for the three of you to create your own special dynamic, or even a wine list to peruse and discuss with the sommelier? Which truth creates more harmony, increased life affirmation, and allows love to flourish? And which creates a diminishing, negative space?

In the part of our yoga practice that includes a sticky mat and poses, we quickly learn that truth is relative. When in a long-held Plank, Pose we can choose this one:
“I can’t do this–my arms are going to give out!” Or this one: “Wow! I’m getting super strong right now, even though my arms feel like they’re going to give out!” Or a million alternatives that may or may not serve our ultimate goals the best. And that’s the key to happiness.

When you’re engaged in a lifestyle of awareness and health, your main goal is not to make other people keep you stable and loved. It’s for you to be stable and loved, from the inside out, all by yourself. Otherwise, you’re leaving your inner state up to the wild and unpredictable world of others. And no matter how much they want to be there for you, they cannot be you. Knowing this ignites your inner strength and potential to reclaim the power you hold to self-generate satisfaction right here, right now.

Only you can ensure that you turn all moments to your advantage, and that you see the love and unity inherent in every situation, instead of the separatism and doubt, and move into your best life even so. Am I telling you to put up with abuse? Of course not. In Warrior I, you should get some kind of growth and transformation, and then you move on, before you overdo it and end up tearing yourself down. When you really look at what you do in yoga classes, meditations, and other spiritual disciplines you’re engaged in, you’ll see they are sending you direct messages about the road out of suffering. Whether you take it or not has nothing to do with anyone else–and everything to do with you.

Here’s a pose I teach my students to help them engage in the practice of what comedian Stephen Colbert calls “truthiness.” In other words, see how you can shift your perspective into something that lights you up and keeps your heart wide open, instead of the opposite.

Core Pose: Side Angle Preparation

Sure, you might be able to get your hand to the floor or block here, but that’s not the point of this posture. I invite you to back off to go deeper. The practice is to bring yourself out of full external expression and hug into your inner world.

Come into a Warrior stance with your right foot forward and back foot angled slightly forward. Heels either intersect on an imaginary line or step wider to hip distance. Place your right forearm on your right thigh and sweep your left arm over the ear. Widen both shoulders and maintain the downward ground of your forearm. Breathe slowly and deeply through the nose.

Root your heels and balls of the feet deeply into the mat to create a corresponding lift and support through the legs. As the fierce intensity builds in your legs, your dedication may begin to waver as your mind begins to give you all sorts of excuses encouraging you to bail.

Instead, breathe more deeply. See if you can shift your focus to something empowering, like maintaining the engagement of your low belly, building core strength as your tailbone lengthens, promoting space in the sacrum and lower back. Spin from your lower ribcage and offer your heart to your highest self, even though you’re enduring a lot of sensation. This is the same as any high emotional state that threatens to knock you off center. This is your practice of staying your ground. 

Most of all, enjoy feeling yourself transform. It’s not always comfortable, but it can be powerful–depending how you look at it.

I’d just finished two visiting workshops in Boston, and I was ravenously hungry. I’d meant to grab a power lunch between classes, but I was enjoying questions from the students so much that time slipped away.

My friend and fantastic teacher Ame Wren invited me to join her for a post-class meal. Nestled into velvet chairs, with ivories tickling in the background, Ame and I began a conversation about yoga, teaching, life, love, and each other. It was rewarding, inspiring, and somehow made the already yummy food taste even better.

As we spoke, I noticed two young women sitting at the table next to us. One was complaining to the other about the no-good man in her life. From what I could gather, the list of no-goodies went something like this:

“He doesn’t love me. He disrespects me. He’s out all night. He lies to me. I’m miserable with him . . . but I love him. What am I going to do?”

Then the other woman would say something in response, and the litany of complaints would begin all over again. This maddening audio loop went on for a good two hours.

Luckily, I was able to draw in and focus on Ame, but every time I checked back with the ladies, it was the exact same story. No resolution, just more words.

In yoga we say “repetition is magic,” but we must also learn the difference between a constructive action and a destructive one lies in the type of repetition we choose.

A circular repetition means that you say you want change, yet you do the same thing over and over again, only to end up in the same place as when you began. An example of this is doing gentle yoga classes, yet expecting big gains in strength and endurance.

A linear repetition means that, though you repeat certain behaviors, they are ones that move you forward toward an outcome. For example, holding your poses a little longer each week and then expecting more strength and endurance. Think of the difference in power and purpose between a bog and a river.

It gets even better when within the quest for more linear repetition in your life, you can cultivate tapas and dedicate your energy towards something that serves you to reach the goals you set for yourself. Tapas, often understood as just plain “heat,” as in a vigorous asana practice, also translates as the “fires of transformation.” Linear habits partnered with tapas direct our energy towards those repetitive thoughts, words and actions which light our fire, inspire us to live with passion, and keep us shining bright from the inside out.

After Ame and I left dinner, and I walked home in the brisk Boston night, I felt more invigorated and alive. I wondered, though, how the other women were feeling. If it was anything like I’d experienced after similar conversations, perhaps drained, and certainly not more vibrant.

An old yogic saying goes, “Save your breath to cool your porridge.” I wished those girls had spoken about the guy for 10 minutes, and then spent the rest of their energy on enjoying the food, the night, and each other.

After all, life is to be lived, and tapas–like a great meal–is to be lit into at any possible opportunity.

Core Question: Where in your life could you move from circular to linear habits? What lights your fire? How can you bring more passion into your days?

Core Posture: A great pose for stoking the fires of transformation:

Core Plank: From Down Dog, split one leg into the air, and on the exhale, sweep the knee into your chest, and draw shoulders over wrists. As you press your hands into the earth, round your hips and back sky high to build arm and core strength. Repeat this move 3-5 times before stepping forward to your standing poses. If it’s too challenging, back it off by doing Core Plank on hands and knees.